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0 Student Newspaper Caught in Bizarre Hazing Scandal

The Crimson White, the student newspaper at the University of Alabama, is currently under investigation for torturing students by forcing them to sit in front of a computer, for hours on end, watching a “carousel” of featured items on one of the Internet’s most vapid, inane websites. “It was just…

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0 Rising Hip-Hop Star Gunned Down by Grandmother

Hip-Hop Star Trippy Licks, best known for his songs “Beautiful Strong Black Women” and “Fun Lovin’ Gangsta”, was shot to death in his home last night by his grandmother, Jeanine Licks. Police suspect that the shooting was a publicity stunt by Granny Licks to promote her new album, “Bitch Slap”.…

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0 SHOCK POLL: Most Americans are Complete Morons

The latest Rasmussen poll reveals that the majority of Americans who participate in polls are morons. 92% of respondents were unable to correctly answer a battery of questions quizzing their basic knowledge of science, math, and the humanities. Democrats blamed Republicans for failing to support public education. In turn, Republicans…

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0 Whales Saved! Greenpeace Searches for New Project

News that the whales are now officially saved is drawing mixed reactions from members of the activist group. “I guess I’ll go get a job now,” Bison Perch, co-founder of the group, told reporters, “I mean, don’t get me wrong – I’m REALLY happy for the whales and everything -…

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0 Leading Racists Band Together to Prepare for Y3K

In a rally in Ferguson, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson announced yet another forward-thinking plan to end racism and bring unity and peace to America by the 3rd millennium. “They said Y2K was a problem,” Sharpton announced to the crowd, “But I tell you, there is something much more menacing…