In our first interview, Hipster sat down with the Chairman of Tide Pride – to discuss funding for issues they both strongly support:
Hipster: Well – gosh golly gee whiz, it sure is nice to meet you, Mr. Hamilton!
Tide Pride: Well, it’s nice to meet you, too, Hipster.
Hipster: So – you’ve been at this for over a hundred years – when do you think you’ll finally get it passed?
Tide Pride: What’s that, Hipster?
Hipster: Well, the amendment – to FINALLY allow gay marriage here in Alabama? Tide Pride?
Tide Pride: Hipster, uhm… we primarily support athletics at the University – y’know, football?
Hipster: Oh, soccer! Yeah, I’m really good at soccer. I love it! We all win first place every time we play. It’s awesome!
Tide Pride: No, Hipster – REAL football. Teams win, teams lose – everybody doesn’t just win every time.
Hipster: Well I do. And so do all my friends! Your team must suck!
Tide Pride: Well… I’m mighty proud of your winning streak, Hipster. Good for you!
Hipster: Thanks! So, back to the Gay Rights amendment – you’ve obviously raised a ton of money, so when are you moving forward with the initiative? Are we talking 2016?
Tide Pride: Uhm… I’m afraid you may be a bit confused there, Hipster.
Hipster: Huh? No I’m not confused. Maybe YOU’RE confused!
Tide Pride: I’m sorry?
Hipster: I guess you ARE sorry. You said it. Not me.
Tide Pride: Now Hipster, have I said something to upset you?
Hipster: YOU upset ME? Right… So who’s YOUR favorite band?
Tide Pride: My favorite band?
Hipster: Ha, whatever. Y’know what, Mr. Hamilton –
Tide Pride: Now Hipster, I think you are just being rude. You DO know that your father is one of the Pride’s wealthiest members. And that is the ONLY reason I agreed to this interview today?
Hipster: Well why don’t you just leave then?
Tide Pride: Because it’s my office?
Hipster: Oh sure, Mr. Big Man with his Big Fancy Office. I’m SO impressed…
Tide Pride: Now Hipster…
Hipster: Don’t Hipster me, old man. Ya know what? I don’t think you even SUPPORT gay rights!
Tide Pride: Hipster –
Hipster: I can’t BELIEVE I’m sitting here talking to some homophobic bigot. You hate gay people, don’t you, Mr. Hamilton? Just go ahead and say it. ADMIT IT!!! You HATE gay people!
Tide Pride: Well I certainly said no such thing…
Hipster: And who even dressed you this morning?
Tide Pride: Well I’ll have you know this is Armani –
Hipster: Abercrombie? That’s kinda cool I guess.
Tide Pride: No, Armani. I’m sorry, Hipster –
Hipster: I already know you’re sorry. You don’t have to keep repeating it!
We apologize – but at this point in the interview, Hipster was ejected from the offices of Tide Pride. Yes, this did cost us our multimillion dollar sponsorship with the organization – but we must stand with Hipster. If you know of any persons or organizations that you would like Hipster to enlighten next, please let us know in the comments section below. Thanks!
– The Editor
BUT – if there’s ANY chance we MIGHT stand ANY CHANCE WHATSOEVER of Tide Pride renewing its sponsorship of our site – we’ll kick Hipster to the curb. Our deepest apologies.
– The Publisher